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Death of a Blythe Spirit

Chapters

The Letter

First Sib Meeting

Dreams of Love

Family Origins

The Making of a Batterer

I Care for Him!


Barriers

Keeping Company

What Price Love?

Wedded Bliss?

The Honeymoon

Newlyweds

The Honeymoon's Over

The Babies Come

Home Sweet Home

Moving Again

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Other Mat'ls

Thoughts on Mother's Poetry

Mother's Essays

Penny's Vampire Chronicles

Gina's story fragment

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Barriers 1934

Nineteen-thirty-four was not a good time to be in love. Although all the Casagrandes and the Millers always managed to find some means to earn a livelihood, the Great Depression was very hard on a lot of people. No doubt concerned parents would feel it was more important for a young man to secure a job than a wife. In her diary Mother alluded to the external forces affecting her romance. I think Adelaide had ‘plans’ for her son, plans that this romance endangered. Then, of course, unlike today there was always the problem of finding a place to be alone! These excerpts from the 1934 diary entries reveal the environmental intrusions.

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January 23
...If only she hadn’t come, it was not the same after, oh I could feel it, she upset everything, all my carefully laid plans went tumbling. I have to try all over again winning him now.

January 30
I am thoroughly ashamed of myself! Where’s my self-respect. But he aggravated me so. Is it all over now, I wonder, all back where we originally started from. Oh I was so angry I could have cried.

Well now I did it, now they’re sure to be displeased with him. It’s only a supposition, but if it were true, if it were true! The what? Oh I don’t want him to be [word scratched out very hard]

January 31
It can’t go on much longer like this, I have to do something. Even if I [ emitrall] myself somewhere else.

…February 7
I was shocked after what she told me! Oh how could he do it, how could he, and here I thought…oh it’s so disappointing! I could hardly wait to see him and find there was nothing I could do about it after all, so what else could I do but drop it?...

…February 9
...I won’t take his proposal quite serious yet, although we both seem to take the fact more or less for granted. But it’s all so very hopeless as yet.

…February 12
“And he served for seven years…!”

Six years—God I can’t wait that long. I just can’t, there must be a way out.

…February 14
We would be so happy if we were together. I know I make him so, and can keep [him] happy always. And he really must get out of his environments if he were to get more contented. The relief I bring him is only temporary, and I’m afraid the following out [trusts must than ever].

February 15
Come to think of it, our courtship is somewhat unusual. Luckily his mother is so broadminded. But I do love those [intimate] moments with him and it seems to be an established fact in his family now, that we are keeping company. How nice that sounds “keeping company” and so very appropriate.

February 16
God what am I to do? It gets more complicated every time we talk about it. I hate to have him so hopeless and discouraged. I’m so afraid of saying or doing the wrong things but he’s such an [intricate] person if you let him drift too deep into a thought it’s so hard to extricate him. Is it just his present mood that made him look at it so pessimistic or will it be always like that. He takes everything so seriously and is so impatient when his ideas are not accomplished in a reasonably short length of time. Rome was not built in a day and one does not attach oneself for life inside so short a time as a few months. And who knows where a year will find us. A year is the time limit I set myself. Then we [trust] for [sure] and are most likely in a position to judge definitely whether to say “I do” and mean it to be forever.

…February 18
I’ve been so disappointed! And I’d looked forward to this meeting. But who knows, perhaps it’s just as well. If I only knew of a way to let him know.

…February 20
I know as he does, it is wrong to tempt like this, but it is so sweet, we, he as well as I, just can’t resist. I love him so and it is the most comforting sensation to know we’re both in love with one another. Some one to live for, who cares what a [spoor]. I want him to try ever so hard to attain his goal and I’m somewhat dubious whether I’m doing just the right thing. Do I adore him too much, will I kill his love with too much kindness? He doesn’t like me to, I know, but I can’t help it, yet I mustn’t show it too often… A good stiff argument once in a while a [looking] up of my own will is absolutely called for and essential. Always remember it takes a good storm every once so often to clear the air. That’s why I simply must study what he studies, I must be capable to follow him—all the way through. We’re partners, and always will be. Not just sweethearts but companions.

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 Page last updated on 05/17/2007

 

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